It's funny how the heart works - with your mind - and with your emotions. It's crazy how a few innocent pictures - happy pics at that - can cause turmoil and cause you to abandon something you enjoyed before. I haven't always been up-to-date with my blog. I can go a few months without posting, but it's been almost a year now. A wise friend told me recently, that I needed to start back up, that she knew the reason I hadn't posted, and that it was time to get back to it. That was over a month ago - possibly longer. I avoided even looking at our blog, and it still hurts to see it. My last post introduced new family members and how amazing our "old" family member was welcoming them into our home. I look back on it now and see how naive and ignorant I was. I knew Daisy was a one-dog household type dog - the one and only Alpha dog. We had tried before to welcome another dog. Daisy tolerated it for awhile, but ultimately we had to find a new home for her. We had resigned ourselves to having only Daisy. We were good with that. Well, I started thinking it would be good for Maxx to have a dog of his own. One he could raise that would help him in multiple ways. When I was young, my brother's dog was that for me. She was my confidant and friend when I needed it. I wanted Maxx to have the same. It would be good for him. And it would have, if it would have been good for Daisy. Daisy was amazing. You saw my previous post. She was such the maternal figure. She took in the cat and Sage and taught them, but even her maternal instincts could not suppress her alpha dog nature. Looking back (hindsight is always better) I could see Daisy's tolerance lowering. She loved us, so she loved them, and she tried so hard. I know she did, but her family couldn't see it. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to devastate my only son who loved his dog by finding it a new home. I thought Daisy could handle it. Well, one day in October (Sage's birthday - my brother Greg's birthday) she decided it wasn't working anymore. She got into with Sage - started a fight. Well, this fight wasn't going to end. Abby had left just before to walk Sofia to a friend's house - which I am forever grateful for. Maxx was out back on the swing with the dogs. We don't know if Daisy felt there was a threat to Maxx (She was ALWAYS looking out for the kids.), or if Sage did something that made Daisy feel threatened, but a fight was started. Maxx came running in to tell me. My yelling at Daisy and Sage didn't work. I told Maxx to get Juan on the phone - Daisy ALWAYS listens to Juan. He tried yelling, whistling, everything, but she wouldn't respond. Sage was still "new" to us - still learning. She was such a timid, docile thing, but she fought back. At that point Juan told me to get Maxx out of there - he was on his way home, and he didn't want Maxx witnessing the fight. I called a close friend to see if he could go there. Of course he could was her response, and she sent her police officer husband over to help. By the time he got there they had been going at it for 40 minutes. There was a lot of blood, and they were starting to get tired. Thankfully he was able to distract and separate them. Juan came home soon after and cleaned them up what he could and called my brother, Greg - our veterinarian of choice. He said to bring them in - on his birthday no less. I don't know, if I've ever apologized to him for bringing sadness to his birthday. Before he left with the dogs, Juan and I discussed what we should do. Daisy was getting older - her tolerance was diminishing and from the days events becoming unpredictable. Sage - we didn't know what this fight would cause her to become. She was "new" and hadn't developed the trust as much. We knew we couldn't live with ourselves, if the kids got into the middle of a dog fight, or if someone else or some other dog was hurt. We decided to put them down. It was not an easy decision, but we knew in our hearts it had to be done. Juan took them to Greg and stayed with them til the end. Daisy was one of ours - is one of ours. She will always be a part of us. I know she was "just a dog", but her passing has been so hard. I blame myself still - I know I shouldn't, but I also know I should've known and seen it coming. I was one of those "bad owners" of the sweetest pit bull ever. She blessed our family so much, and would have continued to do so had I let myself see what was happening. She was doing her best in a situation she could not control. Part of the reason I haven't said much about all this is the reputation pit bulls have. If you knew Daisy or even most any other pit, you would know their sweetness and loyalty. It takes a special owner - one who will be responsible and train them and respect their power - one who will not push them beyond their capabilities. I am determined to be that owner. I have learned so much, I just wish I hadn't learned it this way. I don't know exactly what happens in Heaven with dogs, animals, etc. But I do hope she will be with us - a part of our eternal family.
